i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
