38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
