i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
