My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
