I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
