I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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