I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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