i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize