i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sarcasm needs its own font
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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