he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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