What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
