i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
