We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize