Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
