Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You've changed since you got that strap on
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
