i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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