I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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