dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
