Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
now i know why i became what i already was.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
