I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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