If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
