shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
