so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
