Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
