You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I puked a lego.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
