he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
