Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
