Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
