how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
