Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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