The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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