What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
