I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
