it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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