Welp...herpes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
