get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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