Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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