The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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