when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
