mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
