I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
