dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
