I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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