My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And then he peed in my hair
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
