why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
