i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
