youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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