Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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