I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I didn't notice because vodka
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
