suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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