sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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