I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
