Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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