He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize