I just threw up on my dentist
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
