it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
