my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
