I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
