I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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