I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
