sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
