So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
