Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
