I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
