Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
