Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
