She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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