Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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