you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize